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Cubicle Chronicles: Life @ a Ghetto Call Center


I work at a Call Center in the hood as a Customer Service Representative in a small cubicle surrounded by overweight, disgruntled people who walk around like something stinks all eight miserable hours of their shift (self included). This is a great anthropological study of human behavior. Here are four observations:

1. 85% of the population here wear weave and wigs (self included):

The lady two seats down from my cubicle has dry crinkle weave, the crazy lady next to me has dry, weave braids, I'm wearing a silky black wig with bangs, a chick on the other side of the cubicle has two toned weave with a track showing. The chick next to her has one tone weave with the track showing. The light skinned pretty, big booty bitch behind me, who now sells hair, has real hair that looks awesome but her bangs are too thick. The chick on the the other side of me has a HORRIBLE relaxer with a VERY short ponytail. There is a bald lady a few cubicles down from her. There are a few other wigs and weaves floating around the area. One awesome chick has a dope sew in with highlights. On the other side of the cubicle there is a big booty black chick with a small waist and a dry front lace. Oh, and there is a pregnant chick with auburn ringlet weave and a chubby woman in training with a bouncy black Shirley Temple wig.

2. 90% of the population here are chubby black females (self included):

Don't get me wrong. There are a few overweight nosy older black women & white women here too as well as one Latina. A few fat guys, two or three skinny black dudes, a disgruntled slender yinzer with woman hands and a cool, nerdy, lanky white guy work here too. Besides them, I am surrounded by a small sea of black women with fake hair who order food all the time but don't tip well or at all & talk shit on each other. They also often talk about Instagram, Facebook, their nails, eyebrows and rookie drug dealer boyfriends who are going to spend their ENTIRE tax return on a re-up. They consistently get on my damn nerves talking loud as all hell about NOTHING at all. I often end up snapping out politely. They hear my voice and think because I sound “white” they can say any and everything to me without reprimand. Negative. I am forced to remind them that though i am not from the hood, they are flamable and I am crae.

3. I avoid EVERY boss:

I even avoid the two I like. One is a super cool female and the other is a nerdy white guy who wants to bone black chicks (self included). He doesn't really care and let's us do whatever. There is one boss I completely cannot stand..wait...no...there are two. One is a fat, balding, pink man who wears tight button up shirts tucked into tight business casual slacks. The other kinda sorta boss is an Olive Oil shaped black guy who's also balding with no real authority. He really gets off on being a stickler for the rules. He power trips daily. This place reminds me of a sweat shop equipped with overseers who monitor our calls, stroll around us, looking over our shoulders, making sure we are being “good workers”. We must clock in EXACTLY on time when we come in, when we leave for lunch, thirty minutes later when we come back from lunch and when we leave at the end of the day. If someone is even one minute late more than twice they can be fired immediately. Here's a typical convo with my most douchey boss:

Douchey Boss: "Excuse me, Christine. You're not allowed to wear a hat."

Me: "This is not a hat. It's a scarf."

Douchey Boss: "Well..it's head wear. Check the manual."

Since I am not allowed to wear head wear, I wear a wig I bought for $42.99 + tax from the Asian wig store across from Jamil's in East Liberty.

4. We ALL Hang Up on Shitty Customers:

This is something we all agree upon. We are generally disinterested and unconcerned when people become rude or insulting. It is a VERY bad idea to piss us off. We LOVE to transfer people some place else and often calls miraculously get disconnected by “accident”. CLICK. Call back after calming down and learning how to use proper manners. People often seem to think that spending money on a service entitles them to speak to people however they want whenever they want. Nope. We also put rude people on hold for a SUPER long time sometimes. We put people on mute and talk shit while they complain. We eat loudly while they mumble or babble. I'm usually half listening or completely ignoring people altogether. One day these experiences will make great jokes on stage.

Ever Work at a Call Center? What kind of co-workers drove you nuts? Comment Below!


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