I am SO Fat

Right now, I’m listening to an O.C.D. marathon runner, talking her personal trainer’s ear off. She wants to know how many times a day she can work out, on top of their scheduled sessions, without going overboard. Meanwhile, it's 6:30 A.M. and though listening to her gripe about five pounds was a tad annoying so early in the morning, who am I to judge? Working at a gym, I constantly see people of different sexes, races, ages, stages and abilities. It seems most are not where they want to be physically and the few who are must fight, sweat and grunt it out to keep up their "superior physique".

I myself just stopped writing this post to get tips on proper crunch and squat techniques with a stability ball. I can feel a new compulsion brewing. I work out at work. I work out at home. I’m about to take another writing break to do 10 sets of 10 crunches. Okay, I’m back. My eyes get green with envy when I see another beautiful woman in something skimpy. Insecurities sometimes border on insanity. Maybe, it’s just plain old vanity. We’ve all heard about diets, fads, fitness, nutrition, Pilates, Yoga, Botox, Breast Lifts, Lip/Butt Injections, Gastric Bypass Surgery, etc. My question is…When does a healthy drive and determination become a detrimental downfall and addiction?

Most of us don’t quite feel that we measure up, so we pull out the measuring cups and beat ourselves up, despising what we see in the mirror. Unfortunately, a book is in fact judged by its cover. People are shallow and a lot of times it’s what’s on the outside that counts in this superficial world. With so many life responsibilities, it's hard to fit in a core workout. But, it must be done. I weighed myself recently and realized I was back where I started. I decided to exercise at home again.

Within a few days I acquire an acute case of Physical Fitness Schizophrenia.

“This is nothing new: nothing you haven't said before,” pessimistic me tells self.

“This time I MEAN it,” optimistic me opposes.

“Articles say exercising with your kids will add resistance to your workout while giving your pint size personal trainer a fun new game! You can also work up a serious sweat cooking, cleaning & doing laundry,” motivated me chimes in.

“Mmmmm I want something super-sized from either Sonic, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Burger King or Arby's,” fast food lovin' me fantasizes.

“Stay Focused. Make an Exercise Log and Nutrition Plan. Drink 8 glasses of H2O/day and exercise 3-5 times each week. It's easy,” Determined and Disciplined Christina commands.

“I should write a post about this,” ADHD me interrupts.

“I just wanna look Fantastic in boy shorts and bikinis,” Shallow me says with a smile.

“You're ALL full of crap,” Drill Sergeant me snaps. “Suck it up. Get over yourself. Lose those rolls, put down that fried food and pick up a salad! Put down the ranch. Grab a water bottle and shake that fat off.”

Two years later I found this article half written and my waistline STILL remains the same though I feel great and my confidence level is high. Again, it's time to evolve. Instead of obsessing about every little pound and calorie I consume, I'm making a true lifestyle change. Anything can become an addiction when you lose control and balance. I aim to be well rounded with toned abs.